Browse > Home / Archive: August 2007

Key West Confessions:

August 26, 2007

flower.jpgNow this the kind of criminal that every Police officer loves to come across. When James Lewis bumped into a couple cops on Center St last week, he reportedly told them he was in town to sell some crack that was currently cooking at a local hotel room. Futhermore, he shared - that if they searched his pockets, they would find some of that crack cocaine present, and accounted for. And - because it's never a good idea to keep secrets, he let them know if they searched his hotel room a few blocks away, they would find a little mary jane stored in the top drawer of the dresser next to his bed. ( right next to the King James bible - which is alwasy good when making a confession..:-) All of Jame's prognostications did indeed prove true - crack in pockets, in microwave, weed in dresser - and of course he did let Key West finest's know that when they were finished - they would most likely be taking him to jail - which suprisingly, also did prove to be correct. James might have a future as a fortune teller on Mallory Square as his precognitive skills proved to be very impressive! Read the whole story at the link below:

 

Microwaves are handyKEY WEST — A reportedly cooperative 26-year-old man from Miami allegedly told police Wednesday that he was in town to sell crack that he had paid another man to cook in a hotel microwave.James Lewis let officers search him on the 800 block of Center Street, and told them they would find crack in his pockets, reports state. The officers reported that they did, indeed, find the drug in his pocket. Lewis then reportedly gave the officers permission to search his hotel room, telling them they would find marijuana, which also came true, reports said.But they also reported finding a small cookie of crack cocaine on a night stand next to two small baggies of marijuana, reports state. In an open drawer, the officers reportedly found a digital scale with cocaine residue along with a pill bottle containing several pills. On the bathroom sink, officers said they found two glass beakers, which Lewis allegedly said another man used to cook the cocaine in the hotel room's microwave. He reportedly said he paid the man to do it

Crime Reports - KeysNews.com - The Florida Keys Only Daily Online News!

 

 

Popularity: 16% [?]

Written by Ian · Filed Under LifeStyle 

Cuban Confusion: Americans Fleeing Freedom in Record Numbers

August 24, 2007

According to the venerable source of all things true and right in the world today http://www. TheSpoof.com, our American neighbors are fleeing the relative comforts of Key West and other similar sunny spots of Floridian fame and fortune for the decidedly less hospitable sands of Cuban Host (ility ) only 90 short miles away. Now I'm not sure if this is a vote for Castro or against the upcoming Clinton/Obama ( you heard it here first, folks ) 08 ticket - but it is definetly something those Gallup Poll people should be checking in on. Or - the whole story could be a hoax. You really can't trust anything you read in the news these days. Read the full story at the link below:

Key West, Florida (IP) - Our current affairs reporter, Poindexter Finootch, has been in Key West, Florida this week working on this report from the table nearest the door at Sloppy Joe's Bar. Mr. Finootch has discovered that many Americans are leaving the American shores on flimsy rafts and their destination is the worker's paradise island of Cuba. Key West is only 90 miles from Cuba as the seagull flies.

Maximum leader Fidel Castro died on Christmas day last year and somehow his brother RRRRRaul and other members of the ruling class down there have not been able to admit that fact to the world. So instead of Fidel it is none other than RRRRRaul himself that greets the new arrivals at the shores of the tropical worker's paradise.

Those folks who leave America in flimsy rafts must navigate the treacherous Straits of Florida as well as the Gulfstream and the combination of the two generates monster waves and unpredictable currents, not to mention schools of man eating sharks. When asked why they are leaving the U.S. the emigrants claim that they can no longer tolerate the freedom and prosperity of this land and that things are just too easy over here.

They long for and prefer the more disciplined and structured set up available in the worker's paradise and most of all, the daily hardships. They are tired of American luxuries such as bulimia, fibromyalgia, anorexia, American Idle and Hardees hamburgers with 8400 calories.

TheSpoof.com : Americans Flee to Cuba on Rafts funny satire story

 

 

Popularity: 9% [?]

Written by Ian · Filed Under LifeStyle 

Does Anyone Else Find Something Odd About this Story?

August 9, 2007

Hmmm…. This one is troubling me a little bit.  Now - let's be honest.  No one enjoys watching a homeless man playing with himself in the park while you are trying to eat your grill cheese sandwhich for lunch.  I'll go as far as to say - no one really appreciates watching a guy who lives in a REALLY NICE HOUSE practicing the biblical art of self gratification while picnicking in the park.  And if you've got a couple teenage girls with you at the time - well, you just might have a recipe for quite a traumatic experience.  Now I don't have any kids.  But - if I did - and I saw a man masturbating in the park - I would probably hightail it out of there.  But that's just me.  This parent thought asking him to stop was the appropriate response.  Ok - I'll buy that.  Different strokes for different folks.  ( No pun intended..;-)  The part that is, I think, well - odd is……after he didn't uh..cease and desist…..rather than grab your teenage daughters and leave with lunch in tow - this parent decided to take a picture.  Photo - ( graphic ) evidence.  A jerk-off in progress?  I don't know.  I'm a big believer in civic responsibility and all - I guess I just sort of think the cops would kind of take our word for it - rather than need the glossy 8 1/2 by 11's to make the case.  You can make your own mind up below:

the girls were sitting at a picnic table at the Seven Mile Bridge Park shortly after 5 p.m. when they saw Lazo-Gonzalez sitting under a tree, sheriff's spokeswoman Becky Herrin said.He was looking at them and then started to masturbate, reports say. An adult who was with the girls told him to stop or he would call the Sheriff's Office. Lazo-Gonzalez did not stop, Herrin said.Another adult with the girls took a picture of the activity, and gave it to a sheriff's deputy.

Crime Reports - KeysNews.com - The Florida Keys Only Daily Online News!

Popularity: 5% [?]

Written by Ian · Filed Under Happening Now! 

Next Page »